Let's Make Living Our New Favorite Sport

On dating profiles, highlight reels, and the difference between looking interesting and being interesting.

There was a time when sports were the great male obsession.

Players stats memorized before algebra homework. Entire Sundays dedicated to football. Video games that somehow made your mom yell, “Dinner’s ready!” four times before you finally put the controller down.

Their attention belonged somewhere bigger than themselves.

A team.

A rivalry.

A player.

Lately, I’ve noticed that energy has gone somewhere else. Dating profiles.

I can’t tell you how many men have sent me theirs for feedback. Not because they want advice on dating, but because they want notes on the aesthetic.

“Is a selfie weird?”

“Is the golf picture too basic?”

“Should I swap in the one from the Fourth in Montauk?”

Dating had quietly become men’s new favorite sport. The only catch is, most of them are playing from the bench.

The right profile photo. The wittiest caption. Whether or not they should include their mom and sister to make them look more “husband material”. Two nearly identical pictures getting debated in the group chat like they’re deciding a starting lineup.

The highlight reel.

There’s a reason sports separate highlight reels from game tape.

Highlights are edited to impress you. Game tape tells you who the player actually is and how they do when they’re on the field. Throughout the whole game.

One golf photo. One ski trip. One picture holding a niece so everyone knows you’re “good with kids.” Everyone is trying so hard to fit a mold, that they all end up looking exactly the same.

But here’s the thing about sports: a highlight reel can get you drafted. But, it cannot keep you on the team. You can post the photo from the marathon, but do you still run? You can tell someone you love adventure, but do you actually ever leave your apartment? You can wear the jersey, but do know the story behind the name on the back?

Because eventually, the person across from you is going to find out.

And the crazy thing is that dating profiles take a team to build. They’ve been reviewed by a sister, a female friend, or even that coworker who knows way too much about your personal life.

Looks like we started playing fantasy football instead of football.

So, let’s actually get some reps in! Let’s all go outside and play something.

Because this isn’t really about sports. It’s about how we’ve all collectively wanted to look interesting, rather than be interesting.

One of my favorite things about meeting someone new is finding out what lights them up. What makes them nerd out, talk too fast, use their hands when they get passionate (I’m Italian so it’s inevitable) and get excited.

It’s those interests you would never know they had unless you really got to talking. The way someone’s whole body language changes when they start explaining a niche hobby, a random obsession, or something they could spend hours learning about.

And that’s what I actually care about when I am getting to know someone. It’s not what they post. It’s what they do behind closed doors, when no one’s watching.

When the Vikings overcame a 33 point deficit and beat the Colts in overtime in 2022.

The fantasy football league they have with their childhood friends.

A golf swing they’re convinced they’ll fix.

The standing Thursday poker night they have with their buddies.

And it’s not because any of those things are necessarily attractive on paper, but they are the passions that make people interesting.

Maybe that’s why...

Living in New York City, it’s easy to feel like everyone is performing.

In a world of Chez Margaux, Raya, and Corner Store.

Everything starts to feel like it exists to be seen.

So let’s bring back hobbies!

Please, disappear for three hours because there is a playoff game on.

Go to your weekly recreational pickleball match in Hudson Yards.

And refuse to miss the first Sunday of football season.

I swear it is actually incredibly charming the thought of picking up your controller to talk with your friends over Call of Duty.

Not that I am an expert, but my one piece of dating advice, wouldn’t be to change your profile photo. It would be to close the app and watch the game. Or go play one.